If My Dog Was on House Hunters
Ever find yourself hooked on a show just to mock it? For me, that show is House Hunters. There’s no shortage of cringe-worthy moments, and I know I’m not alone in this (seriously, there are plenty of examples online).
I got into House Hunters because I enjoy seeing the inside of different homes. However, the way people focus more on looks than practicality drives me nuts. Complaining about a 10-year-old carpet while considering a $350,000 home? Come on, things could be worse.
The Standard Home Wish List on House Hunters
If House Hunters has taught me anything, it’s that the typical wish list for a home looks something like this:
– Close to the ocean
– In the city but quiet
– 6+ bedrooms, fenced yard
– Double sinks in every bathroom
– Multiple walk-in closets with seating areas
– Stainless steel appliances
– 5-minute commute to work
– 2 offices, an Olympic-sized swimming pool
– Dual kitchen islands, a big yard
– Luxurious master bathroom with a giant tub
– Tons of space for entertaining, first-floor laundry
– Wine cellar, 4 working fireplaces
– An open floor plan, a man cave, a fully furnished basement
– Wall-to-wall hardwood floors
All on a $29,000 budget. Yeah, right.
If My Dog Was on House Hunters
I consider myself pretty practical, but how about my dog, Laika? She has her own quirky demands. Imagine if Laika were on House Hunters. Here’s what her dream home might include:
1. Custom Bag-less Garbage System
Garbage bags are noisy and scary. Instead, she’d want lid-less containers for easy inspection before disposal.
2. Varied Grass Yard
At least 10 types of grass in the yard because finding the perfect patch is serious business.
3. Indoor Hose Bathing Facilities
Forget baths! An indoor hose system is more practical, with water sprayed directly into the face.
4. Plush Carpet Flooring
All floors should be plush carpet, ideal for crawling and, of course, vomiting.
5. Custom Dog Beds in Every Room
Comfort is key, along with having a vantage point to watch everything happening in each room.
6. Lowered Counters
Counters should be no higher than 12 inches, making everything easily accessible without having to jump.
7. Wall-length Windows
Every room should have at least four large windows to watch for outside threats like squirrels and for sunbathing.
8. Canine-Controlled TV Programming
Remotes should have paw-print security to avoid humans hogging the TV with boring shows.
9. Automatic Power Down Mode
To maximize playtime, all electronics should power down for six hours every day.
10. Custom Food Dispensers
The kitchen should have paw-activated dispensers filled with a mix of meat, treats, peanut butter, and cheese, refilled daily.
11. Doggie Doors Everywhere
Every room needs a doggie door for quick exits and keeping the yard clear of invaders.
12. Dog Sitter Quarters
There must be onsite accommodations for a dog sitter.
In a nutshell, if Laika were choosing the house, practicality might take a backseat to her quirky yet adorable demands.
